Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

8 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 5 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Joke Section, put all ur good jokes in here :)

 
Viva_La_BAD
post Apr 2 2006, 12:56 AM
Post #41


Dominating ***********
Group: 6lobal Team +
Posts: 509
Joined: 10-February 06
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 5
Xfire: vivalabad

LOL! Fuckin acidic


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Guest_TrueShadow_*
post Apr 2 2006, 02:55 AM
Post #42


Guests

yo momma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he kicked her the fuck out of the way.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Guest_TrueShadow_*
post Apr 13 2006, 07:07 AM
Post #43


Guests

from the show Yo Momma:

Yo momma so poor, the last time she smelled a hot meal was when a rich man farted.
Yo momma so dumb, when she saw the sign Disneyland Left, she went home.
Here's a fact, only thing people can see from space with the naked eye is the China Wall, until they discovered yo momma.

k, i'm done with the lame jokes for a while, some1 post something that is really funny here biggrin.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
acidxdropper
post Apr 13 2006, 08:11 AM
Post #44


Godlike ************
Group: Admin
Posts: 838
Joined: 10-February 06
From: Montery Park, LA County
Member No.: 3
Xfire: acidxdropper

you momma's so fat she needs mapquest to find her neck


--------------------
I get more head then a pillow

"ukulele ?: now im no expert , but that looks just like a small guitar to me ?"



Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Poofy
post Apr 13 2006, 07:52 PM
Post #45


HOLY SHIT! **************
Group: Moderators
Posts: 1,738
Joined: 16-February 06
Member No.: 15

Yo momma's so fat, should couldnt even float in space!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
axxzi
post Apr 15 2006, 03:51 AM
Post #46


Ludicrous Kill! *********
Group: Members
Posts: 308
Joined: 15-April 06
Member No.: 62

well it started off funny...


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Viva_La_BAD
post Apr 16 2006, 12:22 AM
Post #47


Dominating ***********
Group: 6lobal Team +
Posts: 509
Joined: 10-February 06
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 5
Xfire: vivalabad

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don?t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fuck?n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don?t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn?t help mutter, "Oh fuck?" The priest said, "That?s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".








A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Poofy
post Apr 16 2006, 01:36 AM
Post #48


HOLY SHIT! **************
Group: Moderators
Posts: 1,738
Joined: 16-February 06
Member No.: 15

The first one was good.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Lefty
post Apr 17 2006, 05:34 AM
Post #49


Godlike ************
Group: 6lobal Team +
Posts: 755
Joined: 30-March 06
From: Virginia
Member No.: 48
Xfire: leftylicious

yo momma's so poor when i asked where the bathroom was, she said "Pick a corner."

yo momma's so poor when i walked in her apartment i went in the door and out the window.

:eh: not too good with jokes


--------------------

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Guest_TrueShadow_*
post Apr 17 2006, 05:40 AM
Post #50


Guests

Yo momma so dumb, she thought you were straight.

a Carlos Mancia and Easter reference: Yo momma so dumb, when Jesus was born again, she hid the eggs.

(i should come up with other stuff than one liners)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
)Corruptz(
post Apr 17 2006, 05:07 PM
Post #51


Ultra Kill! *******
Group: 6lobal Team
Posts: 153
Joined: 13-March 06
From: who knows
Member No.: 36

QUOTE(TrueShadow @ Apr 16 2006, 10:40 PM) [snapback]1318[/snapback]
Yo momma so dumb, she thought you were straight.

a Carlos Mancia and Easter reference: Yo momma so dumb, when Jesus was born again, she hid the eggs.

(i should come up with other stuff than one liners)

arent these jokes from the show "yo momma" ?lol


--------------------
<img src='http://sigs.guildlaunch.net/wsig.php/2176858xTaHf.png' border='0'>
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Guest_TrueShadow_*
post Apr 17 2006, 09:06 PM
Post #52


Guests

not those 2 that u quoted, those were original or at least i didn't hear it yet.

but before those, the other 3 came from the show as i already wrote above.

heh, pplz should come up with something more than yo momma jokes, i'm only writing them to bump the thread.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
axxzi
post Apr 19 2006, 04:33 AM
Post #53


Ludicrous Kill! *********
Group: Members
Posts: 308
Joined: 15-April 06
Member No.: 62

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

http://jokes.comedycentral.com


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
axxzi
post Apr 19 2006, 04:57 AM
Post #54


Ludicrous Kill! *********
Group: Members
Posts: 308
Joined: 15-April 06
Member No.: 62

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"

11. Meow occasionally.

12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

A little boy wrote to Santa ...
spacer
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

heh.


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
axxzi
post Apr 19 2006, 05:48 AM
Post #55


Ludicrous Kill! *********
Group: Members
Posts: 308
Joined: 15-April 06
Member No.: 62

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!"

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No, said Johnny, but he minded his own freakin' business."


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Viva_La_BAD
post Apr 19 2006, 06:02 AM
Post #56


Dominating ***********
Group: 6lobal Team +
Posts: 509
Joined: 10-February 06
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 5
Xfire: vivalabad

QUOTE(axxzi @ Apr 18 2006, 11:57 PM) [snapback]1383[/snapback]
24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"

11. Meow occasionally.

12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

A little boy wrote to Santa ...
spacer
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

heh.



LOLOLOLOLOLOL!


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
axxzi
post Apr 19 2006, 06:04 AM
Post #57


Ludicrous Kill! *********
Group: Members
Posts: 308
Joined: 15-April 06
Member No.: 62

QUOTE(Viva_La_BAD @ Apr 18 2006, 10:02 PM) [snapback]1390[/snapback]
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!


haha i like #17..best done with an excited smile, eyes wide open, staring straight ahead


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Poofy
post Apr 19 2006, 08:29 PM
Post #58


HOLY SHIT! **************
Group: Moderators
Posts: 1,738
Joined: 16-February 06
Member No.: 15

QUOTE(axxzi @ Apr 19 2006, 06:04 AM) [snapback]1391[/snapback]
haha i like #17..best done with an excited smile, eyes wide open, staring straight ahead



Ahahha I have read those all before but they are still great. 21 and 9 are my favorites personally.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Viva_La_BAD
post Apr 19 2006, 08:47 PM
Post #59


Dominating ***********
Group: 6lobal Team +
Posts: 509
Joined: 10-February 06
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 5
Xfire: vivalabad

Yeah #9 is fuckin hilarious. I don't get #21 though lol!


--------------------
IPB Image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
Poofy
post Apr 19 2006, 08:51 PM
Post #60


HOLY SHIT! **************
Group: Moderators
Posts: 1,738
Joined: 16-February 06
Member No.: 15

QUOTE(Viva_La_BAD @ Apr 19 2006, 08:47 PM) [snapback]1421[/snapback]
Yeah #9 is fuckin hilarious. I don't get #21 though lol!


Think the exorcist.

The devil in the little girls body, making her the host body.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post


8 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 5 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 15th December 2018 - 12:47 AM
IPB skin developed by: eXtremepixels