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> Joke Section, put all ur good jokes in here :)

 
Poofy
post Mar 17 2006, 01:18 AM
Post #21


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QUOTE(Viva_La_BAD @ Mar 17 2006, 01:05 AM) [snapback]619[/snapback]
LOL! Nice one Montay!!
One liners are rarely funny...the long stories are where its at.


EXACTLY! Ty viva.



Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"

Alma agrees and again they make love.

Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die."

She agreed, than afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.

"Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."
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DuFF
post Mar 17 2006, 04:21 PM
Post #22


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HAHA loved the ugly people joke also mont's joke lol smile.gif

wow turned out to be a good thread biggrin.gif lol


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Poofy
post Mar 17 2006, 08:53 PM
Post #23


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A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the
top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down
the equally steep other side, he noticed a man
and a woman lying in the center of the road, making
wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew
his air horn several times as he was bearing down
on them. He realized that they were not going to
stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his
brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the
front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still
in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter
with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn?
You could have been killed!"

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver,
obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said,
"Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you
were coming. You were the only one with brakes!"
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Viva_La_BAD
post Mar 18 2006, 03:14 AM
Post #24


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A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".

"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."


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Poofy
post Mar 18 2006, 01:20 PM
Post #25


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LOL, good one!


pauls girlfriend aint feeling good about herself, shes stood looking into the mirror naked and says to paul
"im fat, ugly and need a tan. you should pay me a compliment to make me feel better"
paul took a deep breath unsure what to say and then...
"at least your eyesight is perfect".
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Montydj
post Mar 18 2006, 07:05 PM
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I got that joke sent of a friend through phone text Viva biggrin.gif


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Poofy
post Mar 18 2006, 10:44 PM
Post #27


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Two old women are sitting on a park bench. Suddenly, a man runs up and flashes them. One of the women has a stroke.
The other one wasn't able to reach.
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DuFF
post Mar 19 2006, 12:39 AM
Post #28


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lol calm down with teh jokes ! to much to read lol tongue.gif,

still some good ones there !

w00t 2 pinned threads which i started smile.gif


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Poofy
post Mar 19 2006, 02:44 PM
Post #29


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Your momma so stupid she took the pepsi challenge and chose Jif!
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Viva_La_BAD
post Mar 20 2006, 01:26 AM
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LOL!!!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


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)Corruptz(
post Mar 20 2006, 02:56 AM
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these jokes are funny, nice thread :blum: smile.gif


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Poofy
post Mar 20 2006, 03:02 AM
Post #32


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QUOTE(Viva_La_BAD @ Mar 20 2006, 01:26 AM) [snapback]652[/snapback]
LOL!!!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


Lmfao, good one viva.


Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Tom loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Dave was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Gary was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
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Viva_La_BAD
post Mar 20 2006, 11:01 AM
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ROFLROFLROFL OMFG LOLOLOOLOLOLOL THATS SO DIRTY!!!!


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Viva_La_BAD
post Mar 26 2006, 04:34 AM
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*bump!*

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."


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Poofy
post Mar 27 2006, 12:45 AM
Post #35


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A man walk out of a bar very drunk. He gets into a car and starts driving home. A police officer spots him and stops the dude.
Policeman: Sir, your eyes are red, have you been drinking?
Drunk: Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?
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SoulTaco
post Mar 27 2006, 12:39 PM
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Yo mama so fat I say coolaid and she comes bustin through the wall yellin "oh ya!"
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Poofy
post Mar 27 2006, 11:35 PM
Post #37


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QUOTE(SoulTaco @ Mar 27 2006, 12:39 PM) [snapback]799[/snapback]
Yo mama so fat I say coolaid and she comes bustin through the wall yellin "oh ya!"


BAHAHAHHA


Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
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Guest_shininia_*
post Mar 29 2006, 01:22 PM
Post #38


Guests

Hi, Can you make this vaccum fuck this cake?
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Cobra
post Mar 29 2006, 04:14 PM
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What is green and smells like pork?


Kermit the Frog's middle finger
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acidxdropper
post Apr 2 2006, 12:03 AM
Post #40


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courtesy of camp...

what do u call a cow with 3 legs?

lean beef


what do u call a cow with no legs?

ground beef


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